Most of us probably watch “Doomsday Preppers” just for fun, but after the recent NSA scandal, you might find yourself taking notes during the next episode. It’s bad enough that Facebook ads are tailored to your personal interests (seriously, how do they know I love The Olive Garden and Blue Man Group?!), but now they’re intercepting emails and phone calls too? Some people might be fine with the government sifting through awkward emails between their former high school classmates and hour long phone calls with grandma, but not me. So just in case the slippery-slopers are right, here are five things you’ll need to get you through the (potential) dystopia once known as America:
Steps for Avoiding Big Brother
1. In-Home Security
No more Big Brother-esque security cameras and ambulances outside your house when your son forgets the security code. With in-home security systems, there’s no commitment and no high price tag that makes you (ironically) feel like you’re getting robbed. Thanks to advances in wireless technology, DIY security systems are easier and more affordable than ever, says SecurityCompanies.com.
Take some advice from drug dealers and ditch your iPhone 5 for a sleek new TracFone. Contrary to what its name implies, TracFones are much more difficult to track. Not to mention, these kind of pay-as-you-go phones don’t go through service providers like Verizon, which has been targeted as a guilty party in the NSA scandal.
3. A Code Language
This one might not be a high-tech device, but your own coded language could save you a lot of inconveniences if you want to maintain privacy. It could be just a few code words, phrases, or even characters you use to communicate with others. Remember that agencies like the FBI and the CIA are well-trained in cryptography, so be sure to change it up every few months or so to make sure your information is protected.
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The NSA isn’t just tracking emails and phone calls, it has also collected credit card records from citizens across the country. If you don’t want the government to know how much you spend on entertainment each month, you might want to switch over to this peer-to-peer electronic cash system. No banks, no corporate oversight, and definitely no interest payments to worry about.
5. Underground Shelter
Seems a bit extreme, but if you want to remove yourself from wireless connections, cell phone signals, and the device the government planted under your skin that gives off your GPS coordinates (you never know!), you’ll need a completely cut-off underground shelter. All you need to do is dig a hole underground big enough to fit a steel trailer, and start collecting emergency supplies. Plus, with all the destructive natural disasters cropping up lately, who wouldn’t want a Plan B to turn to in an unexpected disaster?
Well, if this article manages to get published without being immediately deleted and/or recorded by the NSA (hi guys), I recommend writing this information down before you proceed with your doomsday plan. After this most recent revelation, it’s only a matter of time, so don’t end up like the barnyard friends of the Little Red Hen when Armageddon comes.